In case you missed it...

OK. I've been extraordinarily lazy lately. So, to make up for it, here are all of Isaac's little quips, questions and comments from the past month as posted on facebook and/or twitter.

Me (pointing to a buffalo at the museum): Isaac, do you know what that is?
Isaac: Yup, I do.
Me: What is it?
Isaac: A Bantha!
Me: Not quite.
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Isaac: Is it Sunday?
Me: No, it's Saturday. New Year's Day.
Isaac: What happens in this month?
Me: Um...
Isaac (with concern in his voice): Is this when the leprechauns come out?
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Isaac (presenting 3 saliva-encased unpopped popcorn kernels): Worst. Nuts. Ever!!
Me: What?
Isaac: These nuts almost broke my teeth!
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Isaac: I want to have a tattoo shop in the living room. And a restaurant in the kitchen. And a bookstore in the dining room. We can teach people to read, and have books like a library. And we can make houses and clothes for people who don't have them. And we can make food for people who don't have food. And we can all live together and help each other.
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Isaac (on his new camouflage water bottle): Dad, do you like my new water bottle? It's Army.
Me: Awesome!
Isaac: If you drop it in the grass, you won't see it because it looks like grass, but if you drop it on the sidewalk, you can see it still.
Me: Nice!
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Isaac: Hey dad, come read your book by me.
Me (getting off the chair to sit by Isaac on the couch): OK. Do you want me to read it to you?
Isaac: Yeah. But read with your mouth closed.
Me: You don't want me to read it to you?
Isaac: No.
Me (moving back to my chair): OK. I'll just go back over there.
Isaac: OK. Good.
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Isaac: Someday, when I'm older, I'm going to tell Jack Black that he's in a lot of movies.
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In the middle of Isaac's fairly accurate explanation of geysers, he included "If you want to grill something, you have to kill it first" and "DON'T boil the ice cream." Explanation, please?
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Isaac: Dad, I need to take something to my room. But don't worry about what it is. I am able to make my own decisions, OK?
Me: Why are you taking that to your room?
Isaac (clearly carrying a meat-tenderizer): In case bad guys come, I can smash them with this.
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Isaac (kissing Brenda goodnight): Mom, you should brush your teeth; your breath is stinky. You, too, dad. Yours is stinky. You both have lots of germs in your mouth.
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Isaac: Dad, when the snow melts, and we go into the forest, you're probably going to want to wear camouflage. OK? Mom and I will set up equipment so we can catch dinner. OK?
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What forest? When did my son become such a survivalist? Did he watch "Red Dawn" recently?
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Isaac woke me up this morning by standing about 6" from my face and singing the first verse of "Working" by Cock Sparrer." He's so punk!
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Isaac is watching 'Batman' and doing a great job of writing the names of the characters in the movie. However, his attempt at "batmobile" came out as "batbowel." Well played, son. You're clearly ready to label people as bat-shit-crazy.
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Isaac recommended that Brenda and I watch "Nosferatu" for Valentine's Day after he and Rosie go to bed. He is going to be a real honey-dripper when he gets older!
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Isaac is telling me about a maple syrup from China that tastes great on Japanese food. The best part is that I'm not asleep or dreaming.
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The Headliner at Farm Aid 2011

You're so (inexplicably interested in) vein(s).

Here's a video of Isaac explaining how veins work.

Droppin' science. More specifically, Biology.

Lately, Isaac has some kind of interest in explaining how various bodily processes occur. Not really sure what the basis of his knowledge is, but I'll accept his reasoning. Below is a video in which Isaac explains how babies form.

Not Quite Homophones.

This past August, Isaac began kindergarten. As a result, his desire to write and try to read has exploded. His mother and I find this to be a great thing. Just a week ago, while out and about, Isaac asked if we could buy him a journal and some pencils so he could do his "homework." Of course, we obliged. i took him to the store and let him pick out his own journal and pencils. Since that night, we spend time nearly everyday sitting with Isaac as he sounds out words and writes them down. It's one of the greatest things! He tells us a word and then spells it. We typically coach him, but make him do the work himself. As parents, we are thrilled. The one result of school and his new journal is his expanded vocabulary. He's been using (and trying to use) all kinds of new words that he hears at home and from his teacher. Sometimes, however, he uses the wrong word.

Isaac: Dad...Rosie stinks. Will you light some insects?
Me: Some what?
Isaac: Some instincts?
Me: You mean "incense?"
Isaac: Yeah, she stinks.

Isaac (opening his mouth very wide): Dad, look.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Isaac: How did you know that I have a fossil?
Me: You mean an "ulcer?"
Isaac: Yeah, an ulcer.

God love him. He still speaks more cleverly and coherently than many adults I meet. As a side note, although his fossils are better, Rosie still stinks.

Look out, Head & Shoulders.

Me: Alright, time to wash your hair.

Isaac: I don't want to wash my hair.

Me: Why not?

Isaac: Because when I put shampoo on my head, it feels like zombies kissing my brain.

Me: That sounds kind of cozy.

I was going to include an image of a zombie with soap/shampoo all over him/herself but couldn't find anything suitable. I was surprised, however, at some of the images that came up when I googled "zombie shower." There were more images depicting sex outside of showers than there were images of shower/soap-related activities...or zombies, for that matter Weird.

Somebody must inform Ted Nugent.

Right as I was getting ready to start this post, I realized that my last post, like this one, had to do with Isaac's vast imagination. So, without further ado, here yet another installment of Isaac's patented brand of psychedelic storytelling; complete with my own editorials:

Isaac: Hey, dad.

Me: Yeah?

Isaac: Did I tell you what happened when I went to grammy's house a couple of weeks ago?

Me: What was that?

Isaac: Um, grammy took me for a walk in the forest. (This is total bullshit. My parents live nowhere near a forest and they certainly would not be walking through said forest even if one was handy.) And we saw a little squirrel.

Me: OK?

Isaac: And I bent down to pet it. (Again, this never could have happened. We have about a half-dozen very brazen squirrels around our house who couldn't care less about people. They just like to sift through our compost pile and rummage through our recycling. One actually pulled a knife on me last week (OK...this is not true.).)

Me: Really?

Isaac: Yeah! And then four hunters came along and one of them put a missile in his gun and shot the squirrel. (Here is where he went for the gold and, unfortunately, it cost him my respect. You see, spinning a yarn is one thing, but lying straight to one's father's face is another. First of all, what squirrel would remain still while not one, but FOUR hunters load weapons of mass destruction into their rifles? Only a dead one. Also, I'd like to think that my mother ("grammy"), would have had the common decency to remove Isaac from the situation rather than supply him with goggles and earplugs as Isaac would probably have me believe. Now, as far as the idea of hunters using excessive force to exterminate a small woodland creature goes, that is totally feasible. Better luck next time, Isaac.)

Me: Wow! That sounds pretty crazy. I'll have to ask grammy about that.

Isaac: No, don't. She was scared.

So it goes. They just keep getting better and better. There are actually a few more stories that I have in the works including an explanation from Isaac as to how veins work. Just wait until you hear that one!